Blockin' the Sucker
by Charlett
Summary: Scout and Spy meet each other ALONE. Three guesses as to what happens next.


LOL GUSY its teh most kawii storii evahhh plzplzplz reed I hope u lik it!

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BLU's Scout practically adored BLU's Spy. There was a sort of kinship between the two of them; Spy was jovial and smiled all the time. He loved playing small tricks on his teammates all in good fun, and a lot of the times he let Scout in on the jokes and taught him a few of them. Scout loved hanging out with the spy, as he was the most interesting person on the base.

Spy was friends with many of the others on the team as well. Everyone liked the fun loving guy. But Spy spent his time with Scout. It filled the Bostonian with delight that the European chose him amongst all the others to be with. Spy was practically a father to the young scout, who never had such a figure in his life. Scout cherished every moment he spent with his friend. With how wonderful he was, Scout had no doubts that all spies were this kind and nice. They were badass killing machines and loved being tricksters, but they were still kind and caring. Of that, Scout was certain.

Spy was friends with everyone, but their new sniper was a little weird. He didn't much care for anything, least of all Spy's pranks. Spy only laughed at BLU's Sniper's standoffish behavior, and told Scout that they were still friends regardless. Scout liked Spy for that reason as well; he didn't mind if someone didn't seem to enjoy his company. He simply smiled and let it roll off his back like a duck and water. Scout wondered if they really were friends behind the "rivalry" they shared.

That's why Scout thought nothing of it when he saw BLU's Spy sitting at BLU's Sniper's usual nest. It was just a little weird that Sniper wasn't around. Maybe they had a falling out? But why did Sniper leave and not Spy? He strode up to his friend and plopped down next to him. "Hey, Spy, what's up?"

Spy was silent for a moment. He fiddled with his white cigarette and turned to Scout with a smile. "Nothing entirely. How are you, Scout?"

"Doin' well. Clipped a RED the other day. Fucker tried catchin' me with his bombs, but no one can run as fast as me!"

"I heard someone was wounded over there…" Spy said lightly, releasing a plume of smoke into the air. Scout frowned and cocked his head. Something was weird… It didn't smell the same as usual.

"You got new cigarettes?"

"Hein?"

"Fuckin' Frenching up our conversation." Scout glared at the spy as he continued. "Your cigarettes are brown. You said BLU issued them to you. How'd you get white ones?"

"Oh, yes." Spy smiled from under his mask as he looked away from Scout regretfully and focused on his cigarette instead. "I spent a little pocket money and ordered them specifically."

"You can do that? Shit, tell me how!"

"Wouldn't you like to know…" Spy replied with a smile in Scout's direction. "You're observant, Scout." Scout blinked repeatedly at the man's leery grin. "That's what I like in a man, someone who can notice things unnoticed by others…"

Scout suddenly felt very uncomfortable at how close Spy was. He never was THIS close before! Something was different about his look; his smile was just so… it reminded him of Betty Ann back home.

He looked like a _girl_.

"You sick, Spy? Fuck…!" Scout retreated from Spy's weird behavior; he scrambled away and stood up. Spy was nonchalant about the whole thing, and Scout counted on his fingers. "Not sick, but this definitely isn't you. Is it a joke? Hahaha, man, you got me, Spy. Holy shit, that was good." Scout forced a laugh, but it came out a weak cough. "You can stop now. You've had your fun, right?"

Spy sucked on his cigarette… and he looked at Scout with a smile that was a little more like what Scout was used to. "Was it really that good? I thought you'd appreciate it."

Scout looked away, a sickened look on his face. "Yeahhhhno. That was…" The Bostonian stopped. When was the last time the train came, a few weeks ago? It certainly wasn't a day ago. Why did Spy have these new cigarettes so suddenly? And he was so different, even now! Spy stood up and wiped himself off as the cogs in Scout's head whirled in overdrive. No…

This was the wrong Spy!! Scout whirled around to alert his teammates, but before he could escape, a lithe hand wrapped around his wrist and he was yanked backwards. He stumbled back and RED's Spy wrapped his other hand around his arm and rested it on the small of the young man's back. Scout squirmed in his enemy's grip, and Spy stared deeply into Scout's bright blue eyes; "They're so vivacious…"

"Gay ass motherfuckin' bastard! Lemme go! Dammit, swear to fuckin' god if you don't let me go…!"

The enemy moved down and pressed his lips to the young man's ear. "Now now, don't struggle, petit. I wouldn't if I were you…"

Where the hell was this guy's knife? He could feel both hands on his body, and neither were clutching anything but fabric or skin. But Scout wasn't sure whether he should take the chance to move or not. He couldn't die. Not here, not now. He had a… his mother to think about…

But no. He hated this, he hated this so damn much! He couldn't move and this spy had his fuckin' hands all over him and his face was so close it sent shivers down his spine and tied his stomach into knots. If Scout didn't act, what could the spy do? What WOULD he do?

Scout didn't want to stick around to find out.

"There, that's better…" The RED spy said lightly. He chuckled lightly as he loosened his grip on the young man just a bit. "Why so tense?"

"Fuck off, bastard."

"Now now…" The bastard smiled at the young man, his face so close to Scout's that their noses practically touched. His breathing was light and airy, and amazingly, it smelled minty. Who had time to brush his teeth out here anyway…? "No need to be so rude, Petit."

"G-get a-…" Scout struggled in the man's grip, but the spy held fast. They were so close, he could see the fine hairs of his eyebrows. This wasn't…

_Ohgodohgodohgod no anything but this fuckin' hell please fuckin' god!_ Scout had never even given the scenario that was playing out right now any thought when he came out to the battlefield. He assumed he should have steeled himself for the pain of getting shot, not preparing for the prospect of potentially being the victim of homosexual rape. But here it was, and the mere thought of this asshole _touching_ him made him retch. This definitely wasn't what Scout had been thinking of late at night when he was alone…! _Fuckin' HELL do something you fucktard or oh my god he's so close DO SOMETHING!_

Instinct took over, and since the young man couldn't move his arms, his desperate, animalistic tendencies took over.

His knee sprang up suddenly and connected harshly with his captor's crotch.

The enemy spy's eyes bulged and he dropped like a sack of potatoes. He screamed a string of curses in four different languages, and Scout kicked him again, finding it the best thing to do without a bat in hand. "YEAH, how'd ya like that, fuckin' ass faggoty cock sucker? You STAY DOWN. DAMN I'm good!"

"FFFF Punta shit putain de merde mierda dios mio ffffffffuuuck…!"

Scout suddenly realized that maybe hanging around and kicking an infuriated man who could turn invisible and kill with a single stroke was probably not the best plan ever. But he didn't want to leave the guy alone to wreak havoc another day! God the young man knew he'd have to sleep with his butt to the wall from then on if he didn't take care of the spy now.

He turned around to find a weapon, hopefully Sniper's kukri, and finish the guy off. It was technically cease fire, but the spy snuck over here anyway! It was his fault! He needed to find something, but there was nothing around. Oh, why did he leave his weapons in his room? Just because it was a cease fire didn't mean he shouldn't have brought something along…! He'd have to remember to bring his bat everywhere he went from then on.

His heart began to race when he heard something behind him. Oh god, they were footsteps. How did that RED Spy recover so quickly? He turned lightly and twirled around quickly, throwing a punch at the man behind him. The spy dressed in blue caught the hand, and a grin stretched from ear to ear. "Come now, Scout. You'll have to do better than that to catch me off guard."

"Lemme go! Fuckin' hell, you're not catchin' me again!"

Spy blinked, as if he wasn't expecting that retort. He continued to smile, however; that was just the way he was. "Is something wrong, Scout?"

"You won't trick me again! Dammit, lemme go, cock suckin' bastard!"

Spy thought for a moment, and he blinked. "Spy was here? RED's Spy?"

Scout stopped his rant and stared. It wasn't that he was so surprised that this spy actually seemed like the real Spy he knew and admired, it was more that he immediately equated "Cock Sucker" with "RED's Spy". "You… you're the real one, aren't you? How do you know about RED's Spy?"

"I've ran into him once." BLU's Spy was about to explain what the encounter entailed, but then he remembered; "oh, is he here? We should probably do something about him."

"How can you be so calm about this?" Scout asked, a horrified expression on his face. He followed after the European, flailing all the way; "Fucker tried to kiss me and you don't even care?"

"And he didn't try to kill you?"

"The hell? What's that gotta do with anythin'? It's not like he wouldn't have tried to do it after…" Something caught in Scout's throat, and his jaw flapped ineffectually. "Dammit…!"

Spy nodded lightly. "Yes, I understand. I shouldn't have asked. I apologize. Now, where is he?"

"Well, he's right…" Nothing. The location that Scout left the RED Spy at was empty. "Fuckin' hell, of course!" Just his luck. He blinked, and suddenly turned to face BLU's Spy, immediately suspicious of the other person. "Dammit, you better not be him!"

"And what if you were he?" Spy replied, sucking on his cancer stick.

"Well I'M not him!"

"And I'm not him either. Come now, Scout, no need to be so jumpy."

It was easy for Spy to say. At least he trusted Scout enough to turn away from him and look out over no man's land. Anyone who could turn their back on a potential spy was either really stupid or stupidly trustworthy.

Or he could be really badass, which was just what BLU's Spy was.

"There we go." BLU's Spy pointed across the way, and Scout moved slowly to look at where Spy had motioned. There was RED's Spy, his cloak flickering on and off as he staggered back to his base. BLU's Spy opened his mouth, closed it, and smiled widely. "You got away from him on your own, right?"

"No one else around here."

"You really gave him a run for his money. I doubt he'll be looking to pick a fight with you any time soon." Spy looked at his counterpart one more time before the other disappeared into his base, and BLU's Spy whistled. "Damn, you got him good. I doubt he'll be standing straight until a day or two later."

"Holy shit man, it's hurtin' just thinkin' 'bout it."

"I was worried about you holding your own in a one on one fight, but I suppose I underestimated you, Scout."

"Hell yeah, no fuckin' gay ass girl's gunna… Hey!" Scout glared at Spy with an angry look on his face. "You think for no reason that I can't take care of myself!? Some friend!"

Spy seemed nonchalant about Scout's fuming, but both were interrupted by a low growl. "There'd better be a damn good reason you bloody wankers are here…"

Scout turned and stared at BLU's Sniper, who was glaring at the two of them, kukri in hand. Scout turned to Spy, fully expecting the European to answer. Scout was the newest kid on the team, after all.

"Ah yes, I apologize, Sniper. We had a Spy problem," BLU's Spy answered.

Sniper glared at them. "Where is he?"

"Gone! I kneed the fuckwad in the crotch!" Scout kicked to make his point. "You two shoulda been there; he writhed like a bitch!"

Sniper looked like he had just gotten a little paler. "Is that… you did…?"

"Yeah, you'd better thank me. Coulda stabbed YOU in the back if I weren't around, the way you're all starin' inta space like a lovesick girl all the time." Scout crossed his arms and stomped off. "Now if you'll excuse me, I needta go put on ten pairs of underwear."

Sniper and Spy stared after the Bostonian, and the Australian turned to look at Spy. The European shrugged and jogged after his friend. When he caught up to the young man, he placed his hand on Scout's shoulder. "Scout, wait. Do you want to talk about something?"

"Get off me, cockfag!" Scout shouted, shrugging the hand off of his shoulder. Spy retreated a step to allow the young man some room, and Scout gasped when he realized just what he did. He didn't… he didn't mean to…! "I mean… you're not a cockfag. I mean, I meant the other one…"

"I understand." Spy's smile didn't fade. "I apologize."

Scout rolled his eyes. "Wha'd you do?"

"He disguised himself as me, didn't he?" Scout blinked and turned to Spy. The European looked sorry for the turn of events that happened. "I'm sorry he looked like me."

"It's not your fault." Scout insisted, turning around and storming to his bedroom.

"But it's still in your mind, isn't it? I don't want you to…"

"What I don't want is to think about it! Fuck, man! Leave me alone!"

Spy stopped his pursuing of the child, only because Scout's pace had quickened enough that he couldn't catch up without running like a loon. And Spy never ran like a loon. The BLU Spy shook his head. Scout didn't understand; unless he spoke about it and let it out, he'd never stop thinking about it.

Scout rubbed his head and his headphones got in the way. He cursed and removed his headgear so he could scratch the itching in his scalp. What the… what was he supposed to do? "Gay ass motherfuckin' bastard." His entire view of spies was shattered by that guy. "That ass fuck. The cock suckin' ass fuck!"

He couldn't look at spies the same way again. Scout entered his room, shut it tight behind him, snuck under the sheets of his bed, and made sure to sleep with his rear to the wall. BLU Spy… BLU Spy wasn't like that. He was badass, a fun guy, and a great person to hang with, but that RED Spy…

That RED Spy was a gay. A GAY. Who tried to KISS him. And… andandandandand!

Were all Spies that way…? Was it the BLU or RED spy that was the exception?

Scout huddled up with his sheets and bit his bottom lip until it bled. He knew it. It was obvious. Every spy in the universe was either badass like James Bond or gay as hell and out for his ass.

…

It was a half a year later that his idol, his father figure, died. It took only a few weeks for a new BLU Spy to appear, the one to replace the man who did everything he could for the Bostonian. The new spy didn't smile; he didn't laugh. He couldn't lift a finger to hurt someone without shaking like a leaf, and he was adamant against even killing a man. The first time Scout saw that new guy, the young man knew.

He'd have to continue sleeping with his butt to the wall.

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DAWW, SO KAWAII.

plzplzplz review with happy reviews! Ill totes cry if u say its bad omfg!


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